One of the reasons for this journal is the help keep myself accountable throughout this journey. It’s mostly for the poor foods i eat that are not part of the diet, but it has to pertain to personal & mental feels too.
I’ve been telling myself for the longest time that I’ve been doing this whole journey for myself and to move to be more healthy. And in the beginning that what it was for; up until last summer when i gave up. coming back from that i just told myself that to get in the same mind set and move forward and it will fall back into place again. I truly believe now more than ever that weight loss is just as much mental as physical.
I have spent the past year trying to diet and repeat results from the beginning of 2018 like it was that simple. but the truth is the only reason I even tried was for someone else. I have had such a negative outlook on myself for so long that I could never see myself in a positive light. and for a period of time the results were happening and i could see a difference. but now when i look in the mirror, all I see is the 445lbs fat failure I always saw and now the guy who bust his ass to make a difference.
When relationships end, it messes with you. I keep telling myself that the negative feelings are not worth it and that’s the past and the future is where you need to focus. However, no matter how much I say it, I never wanted to believe it. I had this dumb belief that if I can improve my appearance and attitude, that things would go back to the way they were. It took me until this afternoon (14 months after the break up…. pathetic right?) to realize that the answers I needed to be better and happy have been with me for a long time, because it’s the same advice I give everyone else.
You value can’t be determined by others. You can’t base how you live your life just to please others. The harsh reality is, that it doesn’t matter what you try to do for them, they more than likely are not giving you a second thought. And you know, they have the right idea.
Relationships come and go all the time. But just cause the relationship is over, doesn’t mean you life is. You have to push forward for you and only you. embrace the support and positivity, but the only person that can get you out of bed and push you to live your life is you.
I have been sad, tired, and defeated for a long time. but now I feel at peace. I decided to write the final sentence of the chapter and move on to the next one.
So My birthday in about 40 weeks away, and I’m gonna use this journey is a different way to work on this 40ish challenge. The goal is to work through all three 13 week programs of DDPY (DDP Yoga) while dropping 2.5lbs a week. If i can do that, then I will be under 300lbs for the first time in 12 years. dropping the 100lbs at the end of this 40 week challenge will put me around 285. And that will be a great starting point for the next journey in my life.
I’m also going to attempt to make more Keto Recipes too. I hate cooking, but need to do it. I tried making Keto Lemon Squares and they were a huge fail. so anyone know how to make tasty Keto Lemon Squares…. be my hero.
Accountability & Progress